In the past month, a few people inquired about my blog-was I still writing? How come they have not seen posts for a while? I wish I had reason or could answer that I was engaged in something.... excitng, new, or challenging. Nope.
The honest response is I felt inadequate and not sure of myself. Midlife crisis? I don't think so; more like an identity crisis. For the past nineteen years, my primary calling (aside from my role as a wife for the past twenty-three) has been mother, with the last fifteen also including "homeschool" mom.
That has shifted in the past year-and-a-half. At the completion of this school year, my three older boys will have all graduated high school. My daughter is in public school, leaving me with my seventh grader, who will likely join his sister when he starts high school the year after next.
Our moves to Reno and Honolulu occurred while my children were young. This provided me with a natural in, opportunities to connect with other moms and their children. In both areas the Lord provided support and community for us.
This move has proved most challenging to me. With older kids, I am no longer arranging play dates. We are not part of a co-op setting as in the past, thus
losing some of the camaraderie that accompanies homeschooling through the trenches with others.
losing some of the camaraderie that accompanies homeschooling through the trenches with others.
One would think that with more time during my day, I would be meeting with Jesus daily, unhurriedly, with intimate devotional time each day. Nope. I have allowed one of my passions to monopolize my time-reading.
Please hear me-reading is great. I have been a bookworm ever since I learned to read at the age of five. I lived across the street from a library which called my name and was also air conditioned (eascoast summers are quite humid and we cooled off with box fans and cold drinks). I realize that it has become an idol and needs to resume its rightful place in my life.
I am sure that the distance from God I have felt is directly related to the irregularity in my devotional time with him. A favorite pastor of mine says, "One day a week with God makes one weak". He also says, "How much of God do you have in your life? As much as you want of him." I am not suggesting this is THE marker of one's relationship with the Lord. For me, a time set apart, before
I am sure that the distance from God I have felt is directly related to the irregularity in my devotional time with him. A favorite pastor of mine says, "One day a week with God makes one weak". He also says, "How much of God do you have in your life? As much as you want of him." I am not suggesting this is THE marker of one's relationship with the Lord. For me, a time set apart, before
starting my day, centers me, refreshing and refilling me with his Spirit so I am equipped and prepared to face the day.
Knowing I did not want this season to continue, I prayed, asking the Lord to meet me and draw me closer to him. The other day I happened upon an online bible study, Loving God Greatly. I joined and the eight-week session starts
today. The scripture memorization for the week is John 15:4, "Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me." The Lord gently reminded me of my incredible need for him and how it is his desire for me to bear fruit.
today. The scripture memorization for the week is John 15:4, "Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me." The Lord gently reminded me of my incredible need for him and how it is his desire for me to bear fruit.
I rejoice and shout for all to hear: "And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus (Phil. 4:19)."
